Sometimes I wonder.....

Sometimes I wonder why, but mostly I don't. Does this seem random? =) Most of the time, I avoid why questions. Answers are not usually that readily available, it gets me nowhere fast, and in the end, the answer doesn't change my life one way or the other. My children ask me why all the time. I ask them to do something, and they ask "why?" And I tell them not to ask me - just to do that thing I have required of them. Yes, I avoid whys. But recently, I sat pondering - just for a moment - why our Savior had to be born in a stable and laid in a manger. It just doesn't seem right to me when I think about it. But now I wonder....even at the very beginning of his life, people were determined to harm him. Perhaps, this was Heavenly Father's way of giving him some protection. perhaps if he was born at a busy inn, there would be more people that could say - yes, I saw a pregnant woman and they stayed here, and they left then, and they traveled in that direction. I know there are reasons for things that we don't understand. But this answer I have come up with for myself, just leads me further to believe that I don't always have to know why. It is good enough for me to know that Someone watches over us. He knows our names, He knows our life circumstances, and He loves us more than we know.

Our Sunny After Ballet Day

This was a really pretty day! As we were leaving ballet, Emelyn and I decided to play in te flowers nearby =).

changes

I have talked about Sean's allergies, but I have not talked about how bad things were two and a half months ago. What initially the family doctor told us was baby acne, was in actuality terrible infant eczema. I cannot tell you how bad his little face looked. It was covered in scaley, oozing rash that covered the surface of his face, his scalp, his elbows, and behind his ankles. We took him to the allergist who took one look at Sean and called his pediatric dermatologist friend to tell her we needed to see someone - in his words - "right now." We got blood work orders and headed over to see the dermatologist. Now, after two months of bathing therapy, multiple ointments, and drastic changes to my diet, our precious baby has a kissable face. I have waited so long to have a baby with a kissable face. I would actually tear up at the sight of other babies with their smooth skin, thinking how lucky their mothers were that they could kiss their babies. I kissed Sean's feet instead. The amazing thing is that through it all, Sean has been who he is today - a baby with an incredibly sweet disposition who smiles at anyone who happens to smile at him. He has had a rough start, but his physical metamorphosis has been miraculous to see.

Kevin has become such a big little boy =). He goes to a summer day camp once a week at his pre-school he will be attending in the fall, and he loves it. He comes home covered in popsicle, sand, paint, and grass stains, and grinning from ear to ear =). He watches Emelyn and Branden practice karate, and he makes up his own Kevin Karate =). He watches them practice piano, and he pulls out his baby piano and plays to his heart's content. He sings when he is sad - always a Kevin original, and loves show and tell at family home evening when he has a captive audience, and displays things like paper swords he made, and demonstrates how to use scissors =). He keeps us smiling and laughing for sure =).

Emelyn has become quite the little lady. She is discovering more and more with three brothers, how much she really does love girl things. She has taken to setting up her room as a doll hospital for all of her american girl dolls. She has been practicing her ballet again, and has been realizing that karate is more work than she thought it would be =). We signed her up for a summer class with Branden, and after a month of it, brought out her ballet bar again =). We'll see if she wants to stick with karate again in the fall =). She also has gone through a physical change of sorts - she cut 10 inches off of her hair! It was a sad day for me, but as she reminded me in her words - "if I don't donate my hair, some little girl will have to walk around without any hair at all." She explained to one of her little primary friends who asked what was wrong with Sean's face that, "he has eczema. It makes him special. All of us have things about us that make us different and special." I think Emelyn is special, and there isn't anything that has changed regarding that =).

Branden has become quite the big brother. He puts Kevin in the car for me, and gets him out, he makes his siblings breakfast in the morning, reads to them, helps Kevin bathe, helps Em with her karate, helps me keep up with the weeds in the garden, does dishes sometimes, takes a stab at cooking, and wants to learn how to do the laundry. He gives lessons at family home evening that are wonderful, and he has finally learned the 13 articles of faith - something he has been working hard to do. He makes me smile at how hard he tries to be a good son and brother and friend. It doesn't get any better than Branden =)

Gabe has gone from having 3 church callings and 1 assignment, to 4 church callings and one assignment. He of course is as patient as a saint as he waits for the ward and stake to find people to fill his shoes. He is now the 2nd counselor in YM and the scoutmaster. I am grateful it has been summer - not for the weather =) - but for the slower and less demanding schedule of the YM =). It's helping us to ease into it all. Heavenly Father sent me Gabe, and as our anniversary approaches in August, I continue to thank the Heavens daily for bringing him into my life.

All of this, has meant a lot of change for me - whew! I just hold on tight and try to keep up =). Life is short, and I don't want to miss a thing =).

summer

I have realized that I love the summer schedule, just not the summer weather. It is something that I have known most of my life, but now I realize how much I don't like summer weather. Maybe the feeling comes on stronger because up until now, Sean has had very little tolerance for the heat. Maybe it is because I have even less time to shave my legs now, and I don't like going in public without my legs covered? Maybe it is because I would like to go to the pool with the kiddos, but know I am not up to taking them by myself? Whatever the reason, I am officially ready for fall - already =).

4 and a Half months =)

O.k. so mostly I keep this record as some sort of journal - it is much easier this way! Sean is now four and a half months old and I can't believe it! We have had many many doctor appointments for him resulting in the knowledge that he is allergic to wheat, peanuts, and dairy. He is not allergic to egg whites, but we have tried several times to get an egg yolk result, only to learn that the lab that processes these things is a poor excuse for a lab. I am not usually this harsh, but I have seen my son poked only to learn that the lab sent the wrong tube to transport the blood work, threw the blood out, or simply forgot to send the blood. This was for other work, not just the egg. I can live without eggs in my diet, but finding out would have been nice as well. *sigh*. We bought special formula (that we had to order online) for babies with allergies, but Sean refuses it. People say I am dedicated to eat what Sean can eat, but for me - still pretty sure that he is our last- I stick with it to make the most of my time with him. At least now I know what he will be going through if he doesn't grow out of his allgergies - and it is hard. I have new understanding of what queen mum's life is like! I am just grateful that Sean and I can have corn =). It's the little things in life =).

Magic Tricks

So Kevin is still addicted to his pacifier. We hide them during the day, and Kevin asks for them at night. Gabe has started making them appear "magically" and Kevin gets the biggest kick out of it =). Well, one night we couldn't find them. We forgot to get them from Kevin when he woke up in the morning, and therefore, he had put them down somewhere and forgotten where. Gabe was at scouts with Branden and I was the lucky one that got to put Kevin to bed without his "uh ohs" as he calls them. I kept telling him we couldn't find them, and he told me to "magic them like daddy." He was so disappointed that I couldn't magically make them appear. Gabe helped me find them when he got home and Kevin was still awake so Gabe could "magic them" for him. Well today, we were looking for the windex. I looked under the kitchen sink and it wasn't there. I told Kevin I looked but it wasn't there, and he said, "mom - I can magic it - watch!" And I humored him, and he said his magic words, "abbra cadabbra - make the cleaner appear!" I opened the door thinking of what I was going to say because I was sure I had looked thoroughly before, and lo and behold , there was the windex hiding behind another cleaner. I turned to Kevin and said, "you did it!!!" and he looked so pleased with himself =). But now I have to wonder what we will do the next time when we really can't find something haha =).

I Am Officially Sleep Deprived =)

O.k. we have now gone two months without normal sleep. It is almost easier to just never sleep than it is to wake up after just a few hours of sleep and not be able to go back to sleep again until it is time to wake everyone else up. I feel like maybe I could have made it through med school after all =). What were we saying the other day Elizabeth? Sleep is for whimps? Sleep is overrated? Maybe if I wasn't so sleep deprived I could remember =). I am just super grateful that Sean is not colicky. He doesn't cry except for when he is hungry. So at least when I am not sleeping, I can truly enjoy this precious baby=)

One month

A month ago today (and at this exact time - 8:50 in the morning), I was in the hospital getting ready to give birth (the surgery way) to our little miracle Sean. I knew that Branden, Emelyn, and Kevin were and would be in good hands, and that our lives would never be the same again. I know I have talked about what a funny thing time is, but it still surprises me how long a month can seem and how short a month can seem all at the same time. A month is a long time to go without normal sleep, but such a short time when thinking about it in terms of how long someone has been alive. I know Sean is not as new as he was the day he took his first breath of air, but he still feels brand new to me. He still loves feeling the blanket we used to wrap him up in the hospital on his cheek, he still looks for his daddy's voice every time he hears it, he can be calmed down by Emelyn who seems to have a magic touch, he likes listening to Branden play the piano, he appreciates Kevin every time Kevin calms him down with his pacifier, and he still loves being fed by mommy. :) It has been a long slow recovery for me, but at a month, I can see how far I have come, and that feels nice. I continue to be grateful for ALL the help we have received during this recovery /adjusting period of our lives!

Baby Sean

It has been a beautiful thing having this precious baby home with us, and becoming a part of our lives. The other children adore him, and I can't stop looking at him. I am pretty sure he is our last. I don't know if this is the reason I cry at the thought of him being a week old when this has NEVER turned the tears on in me before with our other infants, or the reason I just want to hold him all the time. But for some reason, he invokes these emotions in me that I have never experienced quite like this before. I feel very very blessed to be the mother of my children. They make me a better person.

If I were President.....

The other day, Emelyn's homework was to write two sentences about what she would do if she were President of the United States, and draw a picture. This is what she wrote:

"If I was president I would listen to Heavenly Father. I would pray." And she drew a picture of herself standing at a podium praying.

It was precious beyond precious!

I Hold My Breath

As long ago as Gabe started his new position at work, he has been travelling to and from Kentucky and Ohio one time each month to each location. He doesn't like hotels, and he doesn't like being away from the family, so he always drives there and back all in one day. I have to admit, that as I have become more and more uncomfortable with this pregnancy, that having home gone and home all in one day is nice, but I always hold my breath on his way there and on his way back home. It makes for a very long day for him, and then there is always crazy midwest weather to worry about.

Last week I felt especially anxious. There would be rain and winds, and I prayed a little harder than usual all day, that he would be kept safe on his journey. The morning passed, and Gabe called to say the weather started out bad, but got better as he approached Ohio. So I breathed a sigh of relief, and went about the day's business. I still felt the urge to pray for his safety all day. He called on the way home and said that the weather was pretty bad. I prayed harder. When Gabe got home, he told me how he had felt the need to slow way down during one stretch of the trip. He approached what seemed to be an unusually calm spot, but still felt the need to go slow. An SUV passed by at a much higher speed, when all of a sudden there was incredible wind and the SUV was spun around multiple times and driven by the wind into the median, mud spraying up all around it. I know this impressed Gabe, but also made him a little more anxious as well. I know Gabe was being watched over that day and am so grateful he came home safe and sound.

This morning he left for Kentucky. Only an hour and a half of holding my breath left, until the evening's return trip home when I will hold my breath again. Another day of rain and wind *Sigh*. We're praying for you Gabe!

Counting Down

We are getting closer and closer to our big day! We've had some setbacks - like right now I am battling a cold (along with the rest of the family), and things I had wanted to be done and over with, were postponed and are still on the "to do" list - like running a Brownie meeting with Gabe about Japanese and American Sign Language (postponed from a previous week due to snow), getting girl scout cookies delivered, helping with the next pack meeting, cleaning the floors, organizing rooms, washing baby clothes....there is so much more. But we still have 11 days =). That felt like a lot more time a month ago =). The kids are excited, Gabe and I are excited, and if I could just move....all of these things to do in our countdown, would seem so much more conquerable =).